A night out
by Yana Montana
Summary: Alex Shepard couldn't let the female part of her crew go all bananas after the latest mission which didn't go exactly as planned... Normandy girls can't have fun? Commander Shepard is going to prove it wrong.
1. Chapter 1

It all started during an innocent conversation between my forumites at BioWare Social Network. We have enough men power, shooting and drama in Mass Effect 2, but what about fun, binge and secret girls' talks? Oh, sounds awesome! Someone should totally do all Normandy girls night out fic! Yana fell into a muse for a moment and thought to herself: "Damn, straight someone should." She left the forum with a mischievous smirk on her face.

*SPOILER ALERT*

Though the story is a pure fiction, I tried to link it to the main plot of Mass Effect 2 and stay true to its characters, so if you have never played the game or just started maybe it's a good call for you to put off reading my work for now.

* * *

Alex Shepard quickly got rid of her armor and went to the shower room leaving her cabin in a total mess, different parts of her golden N7 armor scattered across her bed and floor. She was tense and felt dirty and seriously needed to chill out. This Collector's derelict ship mission was too much of horror and uglification for her to handle, plus The Illusive Man screwed them big time on that one playing an innocent sheep and trying to justify his coldhearted decision to send the whole team to almost a certain preliminary death. He was a tough-minded skunk and Alex would think twice now to throw herself and the crew on a mission he would insist on looking into as a prime objective.

Alex turned on a hot water, let her long dark-blond hair loose massaging her head with the tips of her fingers. She closed her eyes and started crooning "Mary had a little lamb" indulging herself in a saturated steam. In a minute Shepard caught herself thinking that it was the most discreditable song for the first human Spectre, Savior of the Citadel and the protector of all weak and offended she could ever being imagined to sing, thus she took off like a shot from the gun towards her console trying to find something more appropriate for her status among endless Cerberus music files. A huge lump of foam from Shepard's head dropped on the console, which made a low crackle sound and its glowing light turned from orange to red.

"Oops!" Alex frantically tried to wipe the foam out, but it kept dropping from her head covering the whole table with white bubbling piles.

"Shepard, is it natural for humans to dance naked while a computer device is dying from an extensive water exposure?" EDI's voice popped up from the abyss.

Shepard squeaked out and ran back to the shower room to grab a towel.

"Crap, EDI, why you always have to scare me like that?!"

"My apologies, Commander. A signal of minor system malfunctioning came from the captain's cabin, I was estimating the damage," the AI was as emotionless as ever.

"Yeah, sorry about that," mumbled Alex and decided to stick with Mary and her lamb for a while.

Fifteen minutes later Shepard, fresh and well-conditioned, was heading towards Combat Information Center. She hardly stepped out from the lift when Kelly Chambers darted in front of her, making Alex shriek out of surprise.

"You had me so worried when you were trapped on the Collector ship. Thank goodness for EDI."

"This sounds like more than a professional concern, Kelly," said Shepard somewhat smiling.

"You are more than my Commander, you are my friend. EDI brought you back to me. If she had a body, I'd give her a big hug!" Kelly's cheerful face would make anyone happy.

"The Normandy crew delivered. Including you. And I think I can use one of these hugs unclaimed by EDI," said Alex now smile from ear to ear.

Two male crewmen who stood nearby broad grinned watching the two ladies hugging each other. Shepard gave them a stern look and they were pretending having a serious conversation a second later.

"Commander, the last couple of missions really made some of the crewmembers edgy: Jack keeps punching things down the engineering and Gabby Daniels is not very happy about it, Tali is venting her fury on Ken Donnelly, XO Lawson is suspiciously silent and hasn't come out of her office for a long time, only Samara is tranquil, but she keeps glowing light blue from time to time and I am not sure it's a good sign. Even you, Commander, are a bit tense, I felt it while we were hugging," said Kelly with a light blush covering her cheeks.

"Isn't it strange that only female members of the crew are acting weird?"

"Well, males of most species have their stress worked out during a combat or in a gym, nice meal and a sound sleep – that's all they need to feel, er…human again, so to speak. However females are more complex than this."

"… So what am I suppose to do?" four minutes later Shepard was standing in medical bay desperately looking at Doctor Chakwas.

The thought of hanging out with a bunch of crazy women was worse than eating a rotten pyjak meat and Alex really couldn't stand those annoying space monkeys.

"Throw a party."

"Are you… sure, Doc?" Alex looked at Chief Medical Officer trying to figure out whether she was all right or fell victim of "the female syndrome" as well.

"Friendly all-girls' atmosphere, socializing and some alcohol and the problem will vanish from sight," smiled Doctor Chakwas.

"Damn, I would never call these ones friendly. Bring several chicks who can easily shoot you right between the eyes or snap your neck with their brain in one place, make them all drunk and happy – another suicide mission, but what the heck, at least this one is going to be entertaining!" chuckled Shepard.

"A little caution never hurts, Commander. I do not intend to spend the rest of this promising evening patching you and your companions up," warned Doctor. "Here, take this, it never let me down when I was young and wild enough to party with debauched Alliance officers stationed on SSV Casablanca. Oh, those were crazy nights."

Doctor Chakwas handled to Shepard an enormous gold-plated hookah.

"Wow, Doc. Where do you keep all this amazing stuff? The sick bay looks so small and empty," wondered Alex examining the device.

"I have my ways," winked Chakwas. "Now, Shepard, I believe you have some job to do."

"Wish me good luck, Doc! Please, join my party when I assemble every frustrated female on the ship in my quarters," begged Alex.

"Ha! I won't miss this at any price."

With rather heavy oriental tobacco pipe in her hands and rather thrilled expression on her face, Alex Shepard headed back to CIC having figured out that the one person who might know about parting more than she did herself was her lovely redheaded Yeoman.

"No kidding, Commander! Let me take care of the booze problem and this wonderful but sure heavy gilded thingy. Oh my Gosh, this party will be a fun of epic proportions! Well…may be not as epic as your future victory over the Collectors, but definitely a fun. I'll make sure of it," prattled Kelly her eyes shining with excitement.

"I know you won't let me down, Kelly. Do whatever arrangements you need. I'm gonna pay a friendly visit to my second-in-command," said Alex winking.

Having got rid of the hookah and the problem of arranging things, Shepard walked into Miranda Lawson's office. The Cerberus operative was sitting behind the desk, her fingers running smoothly and fast across the console keyboard. Alex noticed that Miranda was indeed quite intense and so absorbed in her work that it took her some time to realize that her Commanding Officer was sitting in the corner of her quarters waiting to speak with her.

"Oh, Commander, I apologize for my inattention. What can I do for you?"

"That's fine, Miranda. I was just looking at you working at the console. I know it's part of your job, but do you actually have a break or some free time? Because every time I pop in you are sitting right behind this desk, always so serious and absorbed in whatever report you are doing. You look…unhealthy. There are pouches under your eyes and your skin is white as a sheet," lied Alex.

"I am perfectly fine, Com…"

"No, you are not," cut off Shepard. "Look, I understand you have this "mission always takes priority" image floating around you, but it will make you hopping mad one of these days if you don't just chill for a moment."

"Well, I didn't want to admit it," Miranda left her desk and moved slowly in Shepard's direction, "but I really feel myself totally drained after our last mission and my hair lost its usual gloss and shine no matter what sort of shampoo I use and it drives me nuts, because I need my hair to be perfect and look at this," Miranda tossed a strand of her dark hair right in front of first human Specter's eyes. "It is so split!"

"Riiight," drawled Alex backing away slowly from her traumatized XO. "And that's exactly why I decided to give you a night off, not as your commander, mind you, but as your friend."

"I appreciate it, Shepard, but there is nothing I can actually do tonight to… "

"You can totally join a small party I am having in my quarters," smiled Alex cutting off her second-in-command again. "Yeoman Chambers said she is good at piña coladas and margaritas. No pressure, of course."

Miranda raised her left eyebrow in surprise hearing that revelation.

"You can't stop surprising me, Commander," she smirked. "But I suppose you're right: one cocktail won't hurt anyone. I still need to finish my report though, so I'll come by in thirty minutes. And I prefer dry gin to vodka in my Martini, no olives and shaking'n'stirring thing – can't stand this ostentation, just a lemon twist."

"That's all time I need to assemble the rest of tonight's motley crew," – Shepard thought to herself grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Alex left Miranda's office with a stamp of satisfaction on her face. Oh, this sweet taste of victory! She pressed the button to summon the elevator. Residents of engineering deck were next on her list.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment Alex left the elevator her victorious smirk turned upside down and now looked pretty sinister. It was quiet down here.

"Too quiet if you ask me," muttered Shepard and tiptoed inside Main Engineering.

She knew the silence would break off eventually, she just didn't expect it happen so quickly, thus the only thing she could do at the moment was to squeal like a cute little piglet. The impact of the noise was surprisingly effective because several seconds later Shepard bumped into Ken Donnely, his face gleaming with enthusiasm.

"Glad you came by, Commander! I am too weak and excited to watch it alone!" blurted out Scotsman and made Shepard a sign to follow him.

"I need to talk to Gabby. And Tali. And Jack," said Alex trying to keep up with her engineer.

"Aye, you'll have your chance soon enough, Commander," grinned Ken.

They rushed downstairs where large metal boxes were scattered across the floor like oversized children bricks. Some of them were floating in the air in a shape of triangle. Jack was sitting cross-legged on the table in the middle of the room, her hands glowing with biotics and her face glowing with mischief. Gabriella Daniels was standing right in front of her, hands on her hips and indignation in her eyes. Tali'Zorah was sitting on the stairs not far from Gabby with one of her hands covering the part of her mask where usually one could find a forehead.

"This is unacceptable, Jack! This is an advanced human warship not a sandbox! We are trying to fight the greatest threat in the Galaxy while you…" Propulsions Engineer was trying hard to remain calm but her voice kept cracking with fury.

"You seriously need to get laid, Daniels," smiled Jack crookedly. "Trust me, you'll feel better right away."

"I…You…That does it!" Gabby's face turned red.

"I'm sure your Highlander will be more than eager to aid you in this matter, precious."

As Jack said it another metal box got off the ground and merged with the others forming smiley in the air.

"We need to concentrate on work," butted in on two girls Tali, "and keep it professional. I have enough sleazy comments coming from Engineer Donnelly to make me all jumpy."

"Hey, he was just trying to clear the air!" defended her partner Gabby. "Otherwise we would simply be bored to death here."

"Calling my legs "chicken legs" and making some indecent comments about my hips?! I can hardly call it funny!" now Tali's voice was cracking with fury.

"I love it when girls fight over me," said Ken in a very low voice while he and Shepard were hiding behind a crate watching the scene. "Three furious women in one room, why it makes me so excited, Commander?"

"I'm going to make it four, Ken, but I'm afraid your excitement will vanish pretty soon, because the only three hot things you're going to monitor tonight will be Tantalus Drive Core, Extended Fuell Cells and antiproton thrusters," grinned Alex and pointed the way to the Main Engineering deck to rather disappointed Ken. "Have fun!"

Shepard sprang out from her cover just in time to stop Tali from turning into Mr. Hyde.

"Hey, what's up?" said Alex with quite artificial smile on her face.

"Your bucket-headed friend has a freakin' funny reaction when people complement her figure," chuckled Jack making a halo over Shepard's head with her floating boxes.

"Tali, if only you knew what people tend to say about operative Lawson's…er…assets every time I take her with me on a mission then you'll be screaming of joy, praising Keelah for sending you only one lewd dog who also happened to be Scottish and one of the best engineers humanity can offer," said Alex patting Quarian's back. "But something's telling me that even he won't be bothering you anymore," winked first human Spectre.

"And can we also make sure that a certain tattooed crazy woman will behave herself and stop playing with high-priced equipment and driving me out of senses," said Gabby, her arms crossed.

The floating boxes formed an evil face in the area behind Gabriella's back.

"Shit, the last thing I need here is some pathetic group therapy! Next you tell us to form a circle and sing these sappy Asari ballades holding our hands?!" grumbled Jack rolling up her eyes.

"Actually I have a better idea…" Cheshire cat grin returned to its legal domicile on Shepard's face.

Five minutes later Shepard was hopping cheerfully towards Starboard Observation room where Samara was stationed. Convincing Gabby, Jack and Tali to join her party was easier than she had expected. "Probably free booze," Alex thought to herself. "Or they all want to get their hands on my awesome sound system." Well, whatever the reason was the result proved it all right and the only loose end left was meditating behind the door right in front of her. Shepard breathed in as much air as she could stuff in her lungs and stepped inside the quarters.

Alex liked this area of the ship: it was always quiet here, great place to ponder over important things or jerk around and nobody could be indifferent to the magnificent view. Now she envied Samara. She envied her every time she visited her. Shepard neared glowing Asari Justicar who was illuminating the room with her soft blue biotics and sat down next to her. Alex was fascinated by her species, so much wisdom, power and mystery and yet somehow they contrived to wear all these uber-fetishistic and sexed up suits that made them the main target of wicked teenage fantasy.

"I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander," said Samara, her eyes shining brightly.

Alex smiled sadly. Two years ago another gorgeous Asari used to ask her exactly the same question every time Shepard came to visit her. God, she missed Liara and her cute awkwardness.

"Dead on. Always wondered how Asari can be so perceptive?"

"You won't be wasting your time here and looking at me like a curious doe for no special reason. Your species usually want either to talk to us or to make love to us. You know my lukewarm attitude towards the latter, so the answer is quite clear I believe," smiled Samara.

"Oh." Shepard was impressed by Justicar's sound logic.

A minute of complete silence passed by.

"How are you feeling?" Alex felt herself really awkward asking this question but she couldn't bring her real agenda right away.

"Relaxed."

"Good."

Another minute of eerie silence passed by.

"Is your agenda somehow linked to the general excitement triggered by the ship's female personnel heading towards your personal quarters at this very moment, Commander?"

"Um. Yes."

"And as far as I understand you are here to convince me to join this meeting?"

"Well, it's more of a friendly chill out session actually…"

"Interesting."

"With spirits, smoking pipe and girls-only talks."

"These are the means of relaxation one cannot abandon without thoroughly considering. There are many ways to open your mind to the Universe, Shepard. I am glad you have chosen the sprightly one." Samara looked at Alex with her fathomless light blue eyes.

"I'm not that foolish to mess with one Asari Justicar I have an honor and pleasure to work with," chuckled Shepard.

"You are a good friend, Shepard, but a very slow one. We shouldn't keep the rest of your companions waiting," Samara's eyes shone with warm smile.

Alex was showering in triumph and joy. The evening looked ever more promising.


End file.
